Tuesday, May 5, 2009

The Battle Within

If I had to, I would say that I was raised not to air your dirty laundry. In fact don't air your laundry at all. Is that bad, no. However, I have just recently learned how liberating it is to be yourself / speak your mind. Like many people do, I too decided on a few things I would do differently after our big move. This is a fresh start for us, so why not. The one that has brought me the most joy and reward, is to just be 'me.' 'It is very easy to be me. I don't have to perform. I can just relax.' (Adopted from Joel Osteen. When I heard this, I thought 'Yes!' this is what I have been doing that is working so well for me.)

That being said, today has been a battle. I run Tuesday nights. Tonight I wanted to take Cambry to see a Ventriloquist at a local church, so I would need to run earlier. Before running, I needed to make a playlist on my mp3 player because I was tired of listening to everything and having the hear "The ants go marching two by two, Hooray!" in the middle of my run. (Cam and I share the mp3 player.) Well the d*&% (sounds like ma'am) thing wouldn't work. Then it froze up completely. After an hour with tec support, I threw in the towel. I can't run without music, so I guess I'm done running. Without running, I will never loose the weight I need to. I'll be fat forever. (Yes, that was the thought process. I even verbalized it to Joe. He is so patient with me. lol.) Here is a little cartoon that reminds me of me. Remember: I'm a work in progress.


After slapping some sense into myself (literally), I spent another three hours on the thing, and finally got it up and running. Despite the fact that it was nap time, we were going running. If I didn't do it now, I never would. That's where the battle comes in, I drag myself to run each time (3 times per week). I feel great afterwords, but list off millions of excuses for why I don't need to or shouldn't run. I thought running would help me loose weight. Yes, still just over 50 lbs to go. Yikes! We I read recently that unless you are running 30+ miles per week, running alone is not enough to shape your body and loose large amounts of weight. Clearly. I have been weighting for weeks in hopes to see even just a couple of pounds shed - not helping the motivation so much. I thought maybe is I posted my measurements and checked in (like other bloggers), I would be held accountable. Not so much into that, I am still a little sensitive about it all. Then I heard something great today. "Treat it like a full-time job." (Thanks Noelle) Love it! My only job right now is to take care of the kids; I can handle another job right? I put my heart into making things the very best I can, why would I deliver any less on this job? So there you have it, I'm hired.

P.S. Check out the temperature. The picture was taken just before we set out to run 2 miles, yes outside. What was I thinking?

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